Last night I received this $20 note. My first ever payment in my very own first business venture for services I provided. I even feel odd about calling teaching yoga a business. It doesn’t seem right those two words in a row. All the money from the other sessions I did were or will be either donated to the Womans Centre or Womans Refuge.
It is strange how I felt a real resistance to take it and I know where it stems from. I have always had trouble valuing myself and the things I do. I am getting better at it, but I see this so often around me with other people doing the same – downplaying what they do, dimming their lights. I guess there is a fine balance between having a healthy self confidence & self value and a bloated ego.
Another discomfort in taking money is that I know there are lots of people out there who simply don’t have the money to spend on self-care like yoga sessions, so I really want my sessions to be available to everyone. And often those vulnerable people, would really benefit most from this practice, to bring back a healthy body and mind, to bring back balance, an escape for 1 hour in the day just for them etc. On the other hand I have learned though my work on “You made my day – Hawke’s Bay” that free services are often not valued the same as paid for experiences. People book in and then just don’t turn up or cancel on short notice, some not even bothering to cancel – blocking the space for others on waiting lists. I have heard of other practitioners in different areas making similar experiences. So again there is a fine balance between making sessions affordable for everyone, but still charging enough to be valued.
And another limiting belief that money is somehow “bad” and linked to greed in my subconscious. I have a very strong sense of injustice and when I look at the gap between the rich and poor my sense of injustice kicks in, making me feel bad that I am taking the money or having it, rather than inviting abundance, so I am able to pass it on, because I know I would – greed doesn’t sit well with me.
So this $20 is going to be framed and placed above my desk, to help me remember to value myself & the work I do, to remind myself I deserve to be paid, because I have and will work hard for it, to remind myself that others will value my work more by paying for it and to remind myself to be grateful for all the wonderful conveniences in my life that have been paid for with money.
Thank you to my first paying clients – I really appreciate you valuing me and what I do xxx