Today we had the first session of our Communication for Connection workshop with Filipa Hope at Heartspace. Her teachings are based on Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. I have been wanting to do this course for many years, but the ducks never really aligned.
Why did I want to do it?
Because I want to improve my communication in parenting and relationship, especially when I am triggered or angry. I want to learn how to turn conflict into cooperation. I want to learn how to motivate my kids and how I can communicate in ways that they get me. And I want to learn how to create & hold healthy boundaries in communications, so things don’t get all twisted up. I also want to communicate with more softness and compassion and cut out all the “pissed off’s, the fuck yes, the hell no, the fucking hell, the for fucks sakes and the like” you get the picture. Each time I hear or speak these words they make me cringe internally as they don’t align with how I want to feel anymore.
We have learned lots of good stuff in the first session already and I thought I would share 1 beautiful inspiration and 1 light-bulb moment with you and perhaps inspire you to take a course yourself with Filipa. She would be happy to initiate an evening class too if there is enough interest.
The most important thing to learn – is what you want to learn. – Carl Rogers –
I really wished someone had told me that as a kid, teenager, young adult and encouraged me to do so. Only in my 40’s was I brave enough to really study & learn to conform my professional path to something that lights me up internally rather than just considering variables like money and a “safe” job.
LIGHT BULB MOMENT:
Filipa asked us to make 3 columns on a piece of paper and write down a few things we have recently done and connect inwardly with feelings that action invoked and which universal needs where met, or not, by that action (she is providing lists of needs and feelings in the course).
My list turned out like this:
- Made a chiropractor appointment for myself – feelings that this action evoked: restored, revived, rested – needs met: support & nurturing
- organised birthday parties for my kids – feelings that this action evoked: delighted, joy, happy – needs met: belonging, acceptance, closeness (more for my kids than for me)
- And here comes the light-bulb moment:
- Purchased a set of Tibetan Sound bowls, investing thousands of dollars in something that wasn’t really planned. I have felt fear & guilt about this purchase if I am really honest, because I am again in the overdraft on my account, they are not really necessary, its a luxury, I can’t really afford them, who am I to attempt playing them etc. – you get the picture of the internal chatter going on…. UNTIL I looked on the list and connected with myself, with what were my feelings and needs these bowls are attached to:
Universal Needs met:
Community, Compassion, Love, Nurturing, Support, Authenticity, Presence, Fun, Joy, Beauty, Inspiration, Awareness, Celebration of Life, Challenge, Competence, Consciousness, Contribution, Creativity, Discovery, Growth, Hope, Learning, Participation, Purpose, Self Expression, Stimulation, To Serve Life
Feelings I experience when I think about them
restored, rested, renewed, rejuvenated, enlivened, tranquil, still, serene, satisfied, relaxed, fulfilled, content, comfortable, calm, elated, blissful, pleased, happy, glad, delighted, wonder, awed, amazed, thankful, moved, appreciative, invigorated, lively, passionate, surprised, amazed, safe, open, empowered, open hearted, tender, curious, absorbed, optimistic
These lists are available online – It was a real surprise how many feelings and needs resonated with my 1 action that I was feeling fearful and guilty about until I realised what value is really attached to that action – taking money completely out of the picture. Once I reviewed that list the guilt and fear was gone. The same is true for my yoga teacher training and running my own business. Once we look at the bigger picture of what value our actions have we then can more wholeheartedly choose the actions that support our life force, our communities, our families, OURSELVES, rather than worrying about money or values our societies dictate.
Thank you for that light-bulb moment Filipa – even if this would be the only thing I learned from the whole course I would walk away a very happy person, but we are only in part 1 of 6. Excited for the whats to come.
If you want to learn more about doing the course yourself get in touch with Filipa on [email protected].
You are worth it!