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The golden thread

My earliest memories of gold thread are my grandmothers sister Imi knitting jerseys and shirts with wool and a gold thread.
This is one of the shirts Imi knitted with running a goldthread alongside the wool. I still have it and wear it sometimes.

I spend a lot of time with her when I was a child and she first taught me crochet, knitting and embroidery. She didn’t have children herself and I loved spending time with her. She had a cosy little and very old limestone house. I am pretty sure my parents said its one of the oldest houses if not the oldest in the village I grew up in. I still have dreams of being in the house occasionally. A new young family bought it after Imi died and renovated it.

I recall afternoon teas watching old German movies and drinking tea from the good porcelain cups with home baked cakes and cookies. Imi was a sweet tooth. I remember her patiently teaching me how to crochet, embroider and knit when I got stuck, lost the thread or it was just too hard. I remember pots of fresh herb tea from her garden for dinner and the distinct smell of fresh peppermint and melissa tea. I also remember the long drop toilet in the shed, which was dark and scary and she had to come along with me when I was young because I was too scared to go on my own. Especially after she let me watch a Dracula movie way to early in the game, which gave me nightmares for months.

I remember her husband giving me 1 east german dollar for stamping a stack of his chimney cleaner receipts and when he wasn’t looking she would give me another 2 dollars from her secret jar in the kitchen for my work. I remember sitting for hours in her garden watching ants build nests and busily carrying their eggs to safety when we did weeding on the path. I remember cutting off the ends of the black and red currents and gooseberries with her embroidery scissors in the garden to the birdsong in the shade on the garden bungalow veranda in summer. I remember her making a sirup for cough with onion and honey. I remember her telling me that she had always wanted to be a nurse, but her parents didn’t want her to do it. She was a shop assistant before she got married and become a housewife. I remember her making her own calendula cream and having only 1 tin of cream that she occasionally used for her hands and face. She never wore make up. She still had the most beautiful soft skin in her 70’s and 80s. I remember the peace and quiet, which I enjoyed at times being away from our busy household with my 2 rowdy brothers. She was such a kind, gentle and patient soul and she lived a simple life full of routines and old fashioned wisdom that I still draw back onto now. She always saw the good in people. I have many fond memories of the times I spend with her and I am pretty sure she is still close by as one of my guardian angels.

This is a photo my husband Tim took of Imi at her entrance door. She still wore the old east german polyester aprons over her good clothes so as to not to ruin them.

When I started creating art again after my kids were grown up a bit in combination with my yoga practice I started using gold pen quite a bit. I also found the Japanese art of repairing pottering with gold cracks (Kintsugi) inspiring. While living on a sailboat in Turkey for a couple of years I had my water colours and some pens with me and I had vivid inspirations coming in repeatedly to use gold colour and gold thread in my art. I experimented with it a bit but lack of space and limited resources on the boat, meant I couldn’t really fulfil those inspirations at the time. My great aunt Imi died a few years back and my parents emptied our her house and sold it. When we sold our boat in Turkey and were waiting to be let back into NZ in amongst all the Covid chaos we spend a couple of months with my parents in Germany. My mum had saved a bag of gold thread from Imi from her crafting stack and had kept a couple of crochet shirts she made, because she thought I might like them. How is that for synchronicity – I think Imi was trying to tell me something from the other side with all those inspirations about using gold thread in my art. This is the stack of threads I brought back to NZ in my luggage and one of the beautiful gold threads still has the East German price sticker on it.

This is Imi’s gold thread I inherited with the east german price sticker still on it.

Then followed a few years that were quite stressful and busy re-establishing our live in NZ in the aftermath of Covid where I had not much time and headspace to be creative. Although I did a bit of crochet in that time and made a shawl that I finished off with some of Imi’s gold thread.

In the past few months I was having again very vivid and intense visions of artwork with gold paint and gold thread. However I had also developed a total block and great resistance to creating art. I am not sure why. One night my daughter asked if I wanted to join her to play around with some clay. My first response was no, but soon realised this was a good opportunity for me to reconnect with creativity and spend some quality time with my daughter. The next night I pulled my canvas out and started playing around with my 18 years old Acrylics, which had gone all bit weird in all those years and I didn’t like how restrictive the Acrylics felt after just working with water colour for a few years. So away the Acrylics went and the water colours came out and the goldthread and it felt so good to create again. Peaceful, quiet, fluid, watching the colours go wherever the water takes them, creating beautiful patterns. First it felt scary to stab holes in my art work, but once my first creation Seed 1 was done I was away. A fun fact is while gold, green and blue are my favorite colours I have never liked gold jewelry.

Seed 1 was inspired by a yoga retreat my friend Bonnie and I just held, where we planted seeds of intention. Seed 1 is now in one of my sacred spaces at home where it reminds me on a regular basis to sew conscious seeds of intention and imagine the influence this work might have on others.  I like to create artworks that allows people to find their own inspirations and interpretations in it. I create them with an idea in mind, but usually the colours lead the way and the stitching is very fluid – I don’t use specific patterns. I like the fluidity and imperfection of the process.

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Essential Oils to support your creativity / aromatic anchors

Aromatherapy can support us in our physical and emotional world and I certainly make use of my precious plant essences on a daily basis. I roll on an oil several times a day, change the essential oils I add to my body and face oils, I apply them to acupressure points, inhale deeply from the bottle and if we happen to be in a marina I also use my diffuser (not enough solar power here to do this daily anymore).

The essential oil is the blood of the plant, the soul, the lifeforce. – Tiffany Carole

One of the secret tools that not many people know about are aromatic anchors. If you choose one oil and repeatedly use it for the purpose of getting your body / mind into a certain space, your brain after some time will automatically switch without you doing anything about it. For example if you use Lavender every night at bedtime in your diffuser or as a foot rub or similar you body will learn when it detects the smell its sleep time and sleep will come alot easier. This is also a great tool for children. Same for mornings. If you choose for example Peppermint or a Citrus Oil and diffuse every morning your body will automatically know its wake up time.

 

Same can apply for your creative space. I would highly recommend hovering over your oils box and choosing an oil that you feel drawn to for your creative space if you are looking for an aromatic anchor.

  • Tree oils are usually grounding and full of wisdom. When I think of tree oils they are for me deeply connected with the root chakra and also with the third eye and crown chakra.  Examples are Cedarwood, Myrrh, Frankincense, Silver Fir, Manuka, Douglas Fir, Black Spruce
  • Citrus oils are light, creative, uplifting for me. They invite freshness, alertness, happiness to my body. A perfect match for creative time. Examples are: Tangerine, Wild Orange, Lemon, Grapefruit.
  • Flower Oils are sweet, harmony, balance, mystical, feminine. They invite softness, exploration, forgiveness, femininity, exploration. Examples are: Rose, Geranium, Jasmin, Ylang Ylang, Neroli, Magnolia
  • Spice Oils are warm, comforting and healing to me. They feel like a blanket that I can wrap in. My favorite is Cardamom, but other examples are Ginger, Cinnamon / Cassia (very well diluted!)
  • Herb Oils are healing, cleansing, fresh, helping to digest emotions. Examples are Basil, Cilantro, Oregano, Marjoram, Thyme

I often apply an oil over my belly, heart, on my feet on my third eye or crown chakra. Before you sit down at your creative space create a comfortable, safe and happy environment, turn your diffuser on, place an oil and your body, close your eyes for a moment and tune in.

From the “Essential Emotions” book:

Essential Oils to support Creativity:

  • Wild Orange, Tangerine, Citrus Bliss, Clary Sage, Passion blend, Green Mandarin
  • Query: Am I open to thinking outside of my box? Where can I go to receive inspiration? Have I moved enough physically to clear my mind and heart? When have I been burned in the creative process? D I trust that this can be used as a fit for my growth?
  • Affirmation to say when applying the oil: “New ideas now flow naturally and abundantly to me.”
  • Visualise: See light pouring from the sacral chakra / reproductive area of your body, bringing gifts and ideas beyond your own.

Essential Oils for Inspiration:

  • Passion blend, Roman Chamomile, Lemon, Rosemary, Elevation blend, Blue Tansy, Arise blend, Green Mandarin, Tumeric
  • Query: What will it take for me to connect to the inspiration waiting for me? What life experiences have caused me to limit myself?
  • Affirmation: I am now open to infinite possibilities. Solutions are now waiting for me.
  • Visualise: See light pouring from the sacral chakra / reproductive area of your body. Visualize a gift being handed to you that contains ideas beyond your own. See your mind expanding to hold more.

Essential Oils when feeling Blocked:

  • Cypress, Thyme, Oregano, Litsea, Hinoki (Thyme and Oregano need to be very well diluted!)
  • Query: What am I avoiding? What will it take for me to feel confident in moving forward?
  • Affirmation: I can now trust my internal compass. I now move forward in confidence and faith.
  • Visualise: See yourself dismiss the conflicting voices on either side. Imagine your eyes and face cleaned, allowing a clear perspective to emerge.

Essential Oils for Worthiness / Worthlessness:

  • Bergamot, Slim & Sassy (or Smart & Sassy), HD Clear, Copaiba, Beautiful blend, Cassia
  • Query: Is this a feeling that will help me progress or turn to my Higher Power? Is it possible this feeling does not originate from a source of truth? Am I trusting in false thoughts about myself? What is clouding my perspective of myself? What am I to change?
  • Affirmation: I can now reject falsehood. I am now cherished, valued, and worthy of infinite love. I was born with intrinsic worth and value. I now reject belittling thoughts about myself.
  • Visualise: Imagine yourself held in loving arms. See what value you truly hold. Imagine your heart open to receive all the love that is yours.  See your heart, mind, and gut surrender any feelings of unworthiness and be filled with love. Open your arms to receive all that is yours.

Essential Oils for Authenticity:

  • Wild Orange, Cassia, Spearmint, Black Pepper, Steady blend, Kumquat, Pink Pepper, Amavi blend
  • Query: What will it take for me to stop comparing myself or my life mission with others? Am I safe to express what I think, feel, and desire?
  • Affirmation: I now choose to be true to my authentic self
  • Visualise: See you body as a cluster of circular colors. Take a deep breath and honor the beauty of the colours Dismiss anything that does not belong in your space.

If you have any questions or would like to share your oils or insights, I would love to hear from you. [email protected]

If you are interested to purchase doTERRA essential oils I am happy to support you and help to set up your account. You can find more information HERE or you can message me on [email protected].

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Musings from the sea on creativity

I really, really enjoy all the creative time and space I get at the moment. Its one of the things I am most grateful for and try to be entirely unapologetic about. It makes me realise how much of that side of me has been unattended, unseen, unexplored because of the lack of time and headspace. It makes me realise how much creativity will lie dormant in so many other people, because of the lack of time and headspace.

Its easy to say you just have to prioritise this time, but I can very well remember that I was most of the time just functioning with all the responsibility I had and work that needed doing in my businesses, around the house and garden, in our household. the social commitments etc. I am so grateful for this time to explore this side of me, drawing, writing, reading, listening to audiobooks, and doing crochet.

2 of my recent drawings. I usually make a quick sketch or a note in my journal if an inspiration comes in and when I get a moment I can bring them to life with my paint brush. I am secretly dreaming of these becoming cards and a book one day. 

I am just slowly reading bits of the book “Out of our minds” by Sir Ken Robinson – all about creativity, creative thinking and living. Its really reaffirming. Lots of the things I have been thinking and feeling were out of kilter for me in previous years and that brought me to where I am today. The structures for my life had to be rearranged in a big way quite a few times so that I can feel aligned and fulfilled. Each time in those big shifts I was scared, fearful and doubtful and each time (so far so good) it was the best move ever. It doesn’t mean everything is perfect and I float on a rosy cloud, but it means I can live more aligned and closer to my truth and heartspace.

I also simultaneously work my way through the book “The Artists way” by Julia Cameron chapter by chapter . One thing that made me chuckle yesterday was a quote I came across in this book:

“Take your life in your own hands and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.” Erica Jong

I also got my first sunburn, as I was reading right in this spot in the hammock and it felt too nice to feel sun on my skin again after months of cold and winter.

Its all good while its all good, but when things go wrong there is only me that is to blame for making bold, brave and out of the box decisions. That is a bit scary, it feels so convenient and comforting having the possibility to blame someone else. Our kids are masters at this 😉 and at making star art – Luca below working with his origami stars and Nina’s on the right side making a wordspiration box. So proud that both of them can express in so many creative ways.

Another thing I noticed is that I go through cycles with my creativity. I have burst of inspiration for drawing. If I ignore them they keep niggling until I get my brush out. Then there might be nothing for a few weeks or even months until a new inspiration or niggle comes. Same with my writing – there are times when I feel really inspired to write and times when nothing will come. There are crochet projects that just work and feel right and there are some that don’t and get undone. I found this quote in the same book that reassured me:

“Marathon runners suggest you slot ten slow miles for every fast one. The same holds true for creativity.”

Here are some of my crochet projects from the last few weeks – a blanket for me, a shirt for me and shirt for Nina. Its colour therapy, a moving meditation, a quite space of creation and fulfillment. 

And I also marked these in bright pink in my book:

“Anyone honest will tell you that possibility is far more frightening than impossibility, that freedom is far more terrifying than any prison. If we do, in fact, have to deal with a force beyond ourselves that involves itself in our lives, then we may have to move into action on those previously impossible dreams.”

“I have learned, as a rule of thumb, never to ask whether you can do something. Say, instead, that you are doing it. Then fasten your seat belt. The most remarkable things follow.” (Gosh did we need that seatbelt in the last 1.5 years!)

“In my experience, the universe falls in with worthy plans and most especially with festive and expansive ones. I have seldom conceived a delicious plan without being given the means to accomplish it. Understand that the what must come before the how. First choose what you would do. The how usually falls into place of itself.”

” Take a small step in the direction of a dream and watch the synchronous doors flying open. Seeing, after all, is believing. And if you see the results of your experiments, you will not need to believe me. Remember the maxim ‘leap and the net will appear’.”

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace, and power in it.” -Goethe-

Here are some actions for reflection from the book, that you could work on this month:

  • Where does your time go? List your five major activities this week. How much time did you give to each one? Which were what you wanted to do and which were shoulds? How much of your time is spent helping others and ignoring your own desires?
  • Take a sheet of paper. Draw a circle. Inside that circle, place topics you need to protect. Place the names of those you find to be supportive. Outside the circle, place the names of those you must be self protective around just now. Use this map to support your autonomy.
  • List 20 things you enjoy doing. When was the last time  you let yourself do these things? Next to each entry, place a date. Can you do and schedule some of these in the next week/month?

I would love to hear and see your creative projects and any thoughts that might come up for you reading / seeing this.

And lastly a beautiful quote that touched me:

I shut my eyes in order to see. – Paul Gauguin-

My yoga mat is one of the places where I find peace, inspiration, where I shut my eyes, listen to my body, move stagnant energy, place some oils on my body, breathe deeply, feel the wind and sun on my skin, smell the salt in the air, close my eyes to see…

 

 

 

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FEAR in watercolours

This is one drawing I did a few months ago. Its one of the ways how I visualise Fear.

Fear has been such a strong presence in my life and I am still struggling to manage it often. Fear has been following me around and stuck on me like one of those seeds with the sticky hooks that you hardly get out of your clothes.

Fear builds up for me too, sometimes into a really big wall, one scary, worrying thought stacked on top of the other and when I was younger I would just give up, once that wall of fearful thoughts got too high.

Staying in my “safe” zone did make me depressed though, so I had to make scary moves and I learned that the wall really isn’t there. Its imaginary, social conditioning, subconscious behaviors and traumas, the monkey mind playing games, other peoples opinions and judgements etc. Yet most of the good stuff is on the other side of the wall. Doing that drawing is a good reminder for me to pull that wall down and and get to the good stuff on the other side.

I would love to hear how you experience and visalise fear and what presence it has in your life.