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This week was a really good week – I had time for self-reflection,time to really observe me – a lot less external distraction and I have been observing all the emotions that have come up for me.

Its obviously a real biggie for many people. There is lots of emotion bottled up, because we have been taught to just get on with it – harden up, boys don’t cry, don’t be sad, we have too much in our schedules to deal with emotions, so we just swallow them down and safe them for later – lots of us anyway, until we get sick or the bottle overflows or explodes.

So this week, I was first excited because of the teacher-training, being out of my routine,being in wellington,learning new things, escaping house duties etc..Then I was a bit tired from all the prep and the excitement,then settled in quite nicely and today I felt really emotional and low and tomorrow I am probably excited again to get big hugs and licks (dog) from my family. So emotions are pretty much constantly moving for all of us and if we don’t learn how to manage them it can be a pretty exhausting process to deal with everything that comes up. And of course I am not even going through any major life changes / events at the moment, which would magnify the situation immensely.

I think it is really interesting when we are undistracted we have to face ourselves. This week I did a lot more meditation when usually, a lot more yoga than usually (opening hips – emotional storage cupboard), a lot more contemplating, a lot more looking inside. And not everything I like when I reflect and look inside. It can be hard work facing myself, holding the mirror up and really thinking about what I do , why I do it, how I act, how often I actually react, rather than acting, watching my thoughts (I am so glad no one knows whats going on up in there!!!!).

On top of that I am showing first signs of menopause – REALLY I am not that old…. Earlier in the week my breasts felt like balloons, so much that I thought I might be pregnant, next moment they are back normal, period is a bit unpredictable – so I think the mood swings might be related to hormonal fluctuations too.

I am really fascinated by the world of emotions at the moment. The just recently published statistics of suicide rates in NZ have very deeply shocked me.Of course there is a multitude of reasons why people become suicidal, but I think one really important skill to teach our kids and ourselves is how to negotiate our emotional roller coaster, which is pretty much present some times more, sometimes less throughout our life. And it is so essential how to express them and making it o.k. to express them.

One yoga teacher I listened to described life as being on a big ocean in a boat.There is the weather that can change (external influences) and then there is the boat that you are in (might be conditioning, family history, etc). If you are in a big oceanliner, you feel the weather less and can stay quite steady, but if you are in a little sailboat and have no idea how to handle a sailboat you would be pretty much pushed around by waves. Some people are in big boats and some in smaller ones and way too many people get shipwrecked. So if we are in a sailboat we have to learn the skills to negotiate the weather with the equipment with have.

When I look back at my life I was in a dingy for quite some time being pushed around by the weather with no idea where I was heading or how to handle the boat. My boating skills where limited, I didn’t have metservice or a GPS or a skipper or any formal education as to how to handle the fricking the boat or where I was in this massive ocean. Over the years I became pretty determined to become a more skilled captain, I learned to read the weather, I upgraded my boat, I found a skipper and a couple of boats mates and a ship dog, which makes it much more merry. My boat still gets rocked, I still face the weather (at the moment its pretty sunny, but I very well know there are storms ahead and then calm again….) but I am a lot more skilled.

My hope is that we can make our children more skilled in negotiating their boats, the ocean and the way more temperamental weather patterns they may face. And my hope is that we all learn to be better captains and that includes telling the boat crew, serviceman, passing ships or the weather god what the f…. you think you think of them when necessary and how they make you feel or sinking on your knees and just weep and be sad and allow your crew to wipe your tears away and comfort you with a bit of rum and dried fish or seaweed (if you are vegetarian that is),celebrate and dance and sing when everything is bloody marvelous and taking care of the ocean of course and do boat maintenance.

I guess its celebrating life with all the good and bad,the up and down, the sad the funny, the hurt, the love, the tears the smiles,the yin, the yang. Without the opposites there wouldn’t be harmony. We need to know hurt to appreciate love, we need to know sickness to appreciate wellness, we need to know war to appreciate peace, we need to know sadness to appreciate joy etc.

And we need yin and yang movement – of course – all ties in with what I heard & leaned this week.

So please, if you feel like you can’t handle your boat or are overwhelmed by the ocean and weathers, get help, express yourself, talk to someone, but please don’t get shipwrecked. There are so many people out there who have felt the same or similar at some stage and got out the other end.


#heartspace #yoga #emotions #hawkesbay

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